My Crisis of Intrinsic Worth

Photo by Shashank Sahay on Unsplash

There has been a dark undertone to my life for a very long time. It is only now coming to the surface enough for me to see it. I had a sense that I felt unworthy, but just how unworthy is only now showing up in moments of hopelessness and angst. In those moments I realize I feel as though my being here is conditional. Somehow, if I don’t meet those conditions, those put upon me in the past as well as those I’ve either internalized or put on myself, I have failed at my purpose and don’t belong here anymore.

I’ve had some pretty dark moments lately. But I have hope now that I see what it is I’ve been doing and believing. I don’t hesitate to tell someone their worth is intrinsic. They are here and so they are worthy. Even those who cause harm in the world, have a right to be here even if they don’t have a right to cause harm. Intellectually I know this. My heart needs time to catch up.

Perhaps all of our hearts need time to catch up and maybe even hear this good news for the first time. I’ve often written about how the heart intrinsically holds wisdom, but I also think that when wounded it can get stuck in the pain and forget. When we realize the truth of our being, that we are Love, Spirit, whatever you want to call It, the pain dissolves leaving only the warmth of love and belonging. I’ve had glimpses of this. Our worthiness collides with the lies. Once the heart remembers we can no longer believe love and life are conditional.

I’m not fully there yet, I want the pain to stop and I know I can rest in Love and release the hurt into something so vast and beautiful that it turns my pain into wonder. With my feet upon the Earth, I receive this life as it is, knowing I am ever becoming. The word crisis means a turning point, it comes from the Greek krisis which means decision. It’s time for me to decide that I truly do belong and accept my intrinsic worth.

As we each begin to accept this truth, I believe our world will become a kinder place, one of the tenderhearted and wise. When we accept the gift of our life, we can then finally begin to give it away honestly, unabashedly and wholly. We can finally live as Love's purpose and watch magic and miracle unfold right before our eyes.