Feel Everything, Breathe, Dream, Let Your Soul Lead

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A writer friend who is also a therapist said her most felt emotion right now is annoyed. I kind of feel that way, too. Some of it’s because I can't do everything I want to do, but mostly it comes up when I see people not following the guidelines to keep us safe and hoarding supplies.

Sometimes I think I shouldn’t feel annoyed, but then I realize I need to feel whatever I feel. And many different emotions pass through me every day. I’m learning to let myself feel them. I don’t have to act on them, but feeling them lets them dissolve.

This is a trying time for all of us.

I also realized that many of us may be experiencing grief. When in grief we can’t just get over it. It’s a process. Things have changed. We can’t do a lot of the things we love to do. We may not be able to work. It’s a sudden shift in the way we do things. That is loss.

The loss we’re feeling may be even bigger. We may be going through a true global shift. I believe things will ultimately change for the better for all of us, but we’re going to have to let go of the old ways. That is loss.

We need to feel what we feel. It’s going to be a rough ride, but it can also be one filled with joy, love and compassion. There are opportunities everywhere to feel and practice those with others and ourselves.

Instead of pushing through our emotions, let’s ride them. They are waves that ebb and flow. They can guide us just as much as they can misguide us. Don’t hold onto them, feel and let them naturally dissolve. Learn from them. Let them take you deep within, so deep you sink beneath the emotions to your calm center. This is where you’ll discover your next step or the answer you need. This is the imaginal realm. This is where we can dream up a new way to live. That vision comes from deep within. It doesn’t come from an intellectual exercise based on what we see. A new world will be born from within our soul. It will rise up and gently nudge us to what is next. We may have a vision, but we won’t have a map. It will be different for each person, but if it comes from the soul, and it will grow into a unifying way of being.

Feel what you feel, go within, dream and take each guided step with love. This is the way of the Sacred Feminine. This is the way of the mystics. This is the way of the poets and creatives. And this is the path we choose at this crossroad because our souls long for it.

In Uncertain Times

Photo by Color Crescent on Unsplash

I don’t care for uncertainty. I want to know everything is going to be okay. But living as a human on planet Earth is full of uncertainty. Impermanence is also a part of this existence. And that’s the good news because this confusing and troubling time will pass.

Though there is comfort in impermanence, there is also sadness. We have lost loved ones, pets, jobs and intangible things like trust. Impermanence also clears the way for new things to come into our lives as well as the passing of these trying times. And maybe it’s in the midst of these trying times something new can be born because in these moments of uncertainty, possibility lives.

What is possible in this particular moment when we can’t pretend to know what will happen? I don’t like the way it feels, but that’s only because I want certainty. What happens if I let go of wanting things to turn out a certain way? I would have to try it to find out. The thing is I don’t  I can. But if I don’t let go of this moment, how can I live the next one? I see how people can get stuck.

There have been times when I’ve stepped out onto the path that wasn’t there. I’ve walked into the darkness and trusted. But this time feels different. This time I feel the ending more than I feel the possibility. This time I feel the next step is into grief and not the next adventure. And maybe that’s exactly where I need to be. Maybe it’s where we all need to be.

I’m not saying there is no joy to be found in this place, but we need to feel the pain of endings in order to also feel the joy of possibility that will lead us to what is next. Perhaps grief is the path.

And I’m not saying this is the end of everything, but there are many endings right now on this planet and we’ve tried to ignore them. We’ve been unsuccessful in doing so if our general malaise is any indication…if this virus is any indication. A friend said something about this. Perhaps we’re getting sick because we are already sick…sick and tired, exhausted by all that is going on and by the uncertainty of it all.

I don’t like uncertainty. But what is certain is the impermanence of everything on this physical plane and probably beyond until you get to the very ground of being that sustains all. She is the womb of possibility. Within Her, uncertainty lives. She gives birth to the light that becomes everything and is ever changing. She is always there. In the changing seasons, in the changing times, in the changing relationships, in the changing we realize what is real.

All is changing now and has always been. Some changes feel scary, but that’s because we don’t like the uncertainty. If we can learn to let go and flow with Her, maybe we’ll find ourselves finally in the calm center that was always in our beating hearts. Not easy to do sometimes, especially in moments like these. When you’re afraid, you feel as though you can’t breathe. Let’s take a collective breath and know Her love is the air we breathe with the wings of this gift called life.

Bless the Past

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I’ve been delving into the past more lately. The memories rise up as I work on the memoir. My friend Crow shows up at the beginning and end of the story. I’m exploring the time between the five years before my father died and the time I left Nova Scotia to come here to California to be with my soon-to-be husband.

So much would unfold in those years. Those growing years rushed by until they didn’t. Stagnation set in after my father died. It took me a long time to emerge from the confusion and even now, I find myself drifting along though the book will end with my realization of self-agency.

I bless the past even with all its challenges and sorrows. It couldn’t have unfolded any other way. We all reacted and responded in the only way we could at the time. To see it in retrospect allows you to realize this if you let it.

Too often we kick ourselves for not having done something else. But if we had done something else, there is so much that would have never been. As I let that settle into my bones, I realize we can let retrospection be the pathway to forgiveness. We can open our hearts and accept what was and finally bless the past for it brought us to this moment.

And in this moment the sun is shining and the birds and bees are zooming by my window in a place I love. In this moment all is renewed. Spring is stirring in the wind and in my heart. I can look back now and see all the blessings that will carry me forward.