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I’ve been delving into the past more lately. The memories
rise up as I work on the memoir. My friend Crow shows up at the beginning and
end of the story. I’m exploring the time between the five years before my
father died and the time I left Nova Scotia to come here to California to be
with my soon-to-be husband.
So much would unfold in those years. Those growing years
rushed by until they didn’t. Stagnation set in after my father died. It took me
a long time to emerge from the confusion and even now, I find myself drifting
along though the book will end with my realization of self-agency.
I bless the past even with all its challenges and sorrows.
It couldn’t have unfolded any other way. We all reacted and responded in the only
way we could at the time. To see it in retrospect allows you to realize this if
you let it.
Too often we kick ourselves for not having done something
else. But if we had done something else, there is so much that would have never
been. As I let that settle into my bones, I realize we can let retrospection be
the pathway to forgiveness. We can open our hearts and accept what was and
finally bless the past for it brought us to this moment.
And in this moment the sun is shining and the birds and bees
are zooming by my window in a place I love. In this moment all is renewed.
Spring is stirring in the wind and in my heart. I can look back now and see all
the blessings that will carry me forward.
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